Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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