you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
