just tell him i said nine months
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
