I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
