I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
