If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
