I wish life had little blips of pornography
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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