a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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