were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
