Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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