I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
ttyl tear gas
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
