god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
