I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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