My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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