the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
