the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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