My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
