jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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