Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
