Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
