if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
