Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
