Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
