How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
