I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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