he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
When did angry sex become our thing?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
