I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Everyone says I win the strip club
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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