they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
