I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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