At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
