Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
