just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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