I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
