Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
