So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
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I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
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Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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