"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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