Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
