dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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