I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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