oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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