WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
