I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
