i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
