I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
