the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Randomize
