ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
