I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
How naked do you want me to be?
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