Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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