I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
