All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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