you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
