I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Sext me about skeletons
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
