i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
