my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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