If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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