What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
