ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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