i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
