i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
