Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
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