Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
