I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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