Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
