I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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