Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The uberlube is also flammable
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
